In my forthcoming book, Surviving the Suffering, The basic premise is that all suffering is not the same. There are underlying reasons for the different types of suffering, and we must correctly diagnose which form of suffering afflicts us. Chastening is a specific brand of suffering, and it is reserved for Christians who are outside of God's will. This leads to His correction, which begins with recognition of our sin, followed by repentance, then restoration of our right relationship with Him. One source of solace in this situation is that God chastens those He loves. Proverbs 3:11-12 tells us, "...do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; for whom He loves, He corrects."
A problem arises when we are involved with someone else who is suffering chastening because of their actions. When a loved one, a child or dear friend, is suffering, our natural reaction is to help them with all our heart. This may not be the best thing. Although we should not abandon them, it is best not to rescue them, either. God is trying to teach them the error of their ways, and part of that educational experience is letting them endure the consequences of their behavior. As Herbert Spencer said, "The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools." Or as others have said, "We learn good judgement from experience. We gain experience from bad judgement." Sometimes, in order to live well, we must first live poorly.
In the classic World War II movie Darby's Ranger's, an Englishwoman leaves her husband for a young American soldier. She then rushes to the American military base to marry the man, and on arrival she is told the soldier has died in a training accident. She collapses to the floor upon hearing this, and the commanding officer comforts her by saying, "You made your bed, lass," without bothering to add, "Now lie on it." I am not always talking about taking things to such an extreme. My job often requires that I rescue people from the consequences of their behavior. Patients show up with coronary artery disease after decades of smoking and overeating, and need bypass surgery. I don't tell them, "You blocked your arteries, now die from it."
We should never disregard our responsibility to help those in need. But not only are you not obligated to salvage every person's situation, it may not be prudent to do so, either. There is much profit to corrective suffering. We see the failure of rescues in our day with both individual and corporate welfare. People who have indulged in behavior known to lead to poverty and banks who have indulged in risky fiscal behavior are bailed out by taking money earned by people who have engaged in neither. What is worse is that such assistance, however well-intentioned, teaches these people and corporations nothing about responsibility. When people are bailed out by entitlements, they feel entitled to a bailout.
It causes us pain to stand by and watch others suffering. If it does not, then you should question your own relationship with God. Even if the suffering is merited, we must allow God to work His sovereign correction to completion. As the Austrian economist Ludwig von Mises noted, "'This time, it's different' are the four most expensive words in the English language." Sometimes people need to learn that, no, it is not different. If you are a Christian, you will not succeed in stupid or sinful behavior in the long run, and your folly will be expensive. Unfortunately, some of the consequences of your behavior will hurt those around you.
Our compassion for others must not be so clouded that we obstruct correction. Stand by them or behind them, but not in front of them.
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